Gender biases and discrimination are introduced in the young minds from a very young age and the kids adapt it through what they observe at home and in school and what they learn about it from their peers. With every progressing decade and year, the issue of discrimination has been popping up with much more prevalence. The more biased a mind is, the harder form of unlearning they will have to go through in their adulthood. What has been absorbed by our minds has not been a good form of it and is very much criticized around the globe. Hence, the kids must understand this equality from the young age itself lest they start ruining their relationships, friendships, and image in the social circles in the subsequent part of their life.

Sure we are used to introducing a multitude of layers of decency and discipline in girls as compared to the boys. Girls are taught more manners, more recipes, better skills at running errands, more repression and controlling of emotions, and depths of acceptance and patience as compared to the boys. Boys are given a freer hand on upbringing as they grow up. This is because we fear more for the girls and their safety as compared to the boys for the obvious reasons.

Even if you have been brought up in this traditional and orthodox approach towards boys and girls since the beginning of your life, this blog post is not to educate you on gender issues. You are supposed to acknowledge them by your awareness and critical thinking towards the stale societal norms which are of no benefit to any person.

This blog post will suggest you some baby steps you need to take to save your kids from incorporating gender biases in their attitudes and behaviours so you may too contribute towards a better future society and healthy future environment for your kids, and all the other kids.

Treat the brother and sister equally at home.

If you are taking the help of the girl in household chores, take help from her brother too for doing the similar kind of chores. Hold equal expectations from both. Scold them for the same mistakes and appreciate them equally for the things they are doing right. Taking their help in the kitchen, or for cleaning up the home, or making an evening tea, going out to buy groceries, doing laundry, watering plants, asking them to carry luggage, taking their help in accounts and budgeting — whatever the task may be, ask them both and keep similar expectations from the two.

Have the same time windows for the two.

If you expect your daughter to be at home by, for example, 7 in the evening ask the same from your son. If you think your daughter’s security is at stake in the late evening, understand that it is because people like you are letting your sons stay out in the late evenings to create an unsafe and male-friendly environment out there on the streets. If you are not letting your daughter have late night chats and phone talks, don’t let your boy stay up late online with his friends too. Or vice-versa, if you are giving liberty to your son, give the same liberty to your daughter as well.

Give them an equal opportunity to express themselves.

If you are that kind of a parent who expects more patience and acceptance from your daughter but let your son express his aggression, then you are making a terrible mistake. Aggression is real. If you’ll try to control aggression in your girl child, she’ll develop passive aggression which will be very toxic for her in her life. Same goes with letting them express their sorrows or disappointments. If your child has already been suppressing their emotions, you need to become careful about your attitude towards what goes in their heart. You are becoming an ignorant parent toward your child’s feelings. And of course, your child is noticing this. Someday in future, they too will start becoming ignorant of your emotions and then you’ll wonder what wrong you have done in your life to deserve this treatment from your kids.

Give them equal time and attention.

You must share your time equally among your kids. If one child is more favourite to you, the other child, no matter what his or her age is, is noticing it every moment. Be aware of what they are doing, what they like to do, what they do not like, what makes them uncomfortable and when. Notice the changes in their behaviour. Talk to them openly so that they will find trust and comfort in opening up to you. And don’t think that only girls can get exploited. A lot of boys also go through moments of exploitation. If you are teaching them to be strong, make sure that is isn’t superficial and pretentious. They must know that you are there for them.

Give them equal opportunities to explore themselves.

Be it career choices, interests in different curricular activities, forming opinions related to any field or subject, dressing styles and fashion, developing taste for different music, watching other genres of movies or web-series, having different preferences for reading, making new friends, or even having love interests or infatuations — they are only exploring themselves and getting to know what they like or do not like. Moreover, these things are inevitable and no matter how much you’ll try to control these changes and inclinations in your child, these things are a part of growing up and will not be tamed by you. It is like a running stream of water which you cannot hold up in your fists.

Give up on this old saying that boys will be boys.

This is because when ‘girls will be girls’ thing will happen, it will take you by shock and wonder and it will become difficult for you to find that U-turn in life then. If you wonder how this will happen, keep wondering. This is because, while boys may depict certain behaviour under this kind of saying, femininity goes a long way in staying unpredictable. Probably because we never really have paid much attention to understand the feminine side of the world and have only cared about suppressing that part.

You have your kids by God’s grace. You decided to have these kids and have already devoted your life to them. Your behaviour forms a part of their subconscious and their defences against the world. How you treat them today foretells how the world will treat them tomorrow. You’ll never be an exception to their tolerance. If you’ll treat them wrong, they’ll let other people treat them wrong too in future. Or maybe they’ll start treating you in future in the same way as you are treating them today.