There are three ways to engage in bullying. One is when you get bullied, second is when you bully someone, and the third is when you witness somebody bullying someone. Is your kid part of any of these three categories?

When your child gets bullied

Maybe your child is not vocal about it, but they are afraid to go to school, rarely have a friend, having lunch alone at school, returns from school in a far from cheerful mood, a sudden deterioration in grades, gets irritated at home easily, is developing passive aggression, has an unsaid fear about something, is socially awkward, maybe feels better with friends in the neighbourhood, gets frustrated easily, sensitive towards getting less attention at home from you, and ditches the answers to your questions.

Don’t ignore your child’s behaviour. Bullying creates a permanent mark on one’s memory as well as identity. Talk to the teachers and ask them to take steps. Talk to those children and tell them sternly not to bully your child. And if necessary, talk to the parents of those children and tell them their kids are doing something seriously wrong and this behaviour of them will not be tolerated.

Talk to your kid openly about how they feel. Have the courage to listen in detail. Don’t ask your kid to ignore such instances. Take stand for your kid. When your child will see that you can take stand for them, they will absorb that strength from you and will eventually learn to stand up for themselves. You must tell your child that you are there for them no matter what.

When your child bullies someone

No parent wants to hear that their child is a bully and is harming the other kids. It is shameful for them to accept it. So much so that some parents straightway prefer to defend their kid and not accept that this is even possible. But if your child is a bully, and if you are trying to ignore it, you are causing more harm to your kid than to any other kid out there. And the longer you’ll ignore such behaviour in your child, the more you’ll invite sufferings and repercussions in your life. It is very much possible that someday in future you’ll yourself become a victim to your child’s irrational and harmful behaviour. At that time there will be no going back and mending your actions and denials of the past.

When your kid is a bully, it is not because he or she is a bad child, but rather because they are going through some serious distress. They may have low self-esteem and are seeking attention by adopting this bullying behaviour. It is even possible that their family environment is making them engage in this behaviour. Perhaps you seriously need to review if there are no bullying talks and bullying jokes, or bullying amongst family members happening at home. Maybe the child is naturally more assertive and impulsive than their other classmates. It is even possible that your child is unable to comprehend how the victim feels.

Whatever the case be, talk to your kid, tell them that you have received their complaint, ask questions, try figuring out what is making them bully another kid, try to understand their feelings, allow them to express, talk to the teachers in school, and even take help from the counsellor if necessary. Most of the schools have a counsellor whom the parents are allowed to consult at any time.  

When your child witness somebody bullying someone

You probably just feel relieved that your child has a good set of friends who neither bully any other child nor get bullied by anyone from their class. But usually, such children do witness another child getting bullied by another person quite usually. What then will you tell your kid to do?

Quite often we become a passive witness to the unfair practices around us. While it becomes more dangerous out in public to stand for someone becoming a victim of another person’s outrage or indecent behaviour and most of the people prefer there not to react or become a part, it is still unfair. When you stay silent on seeing the wrong happening around, even then you are taking the side of the wrong. The person who is doing wrong will not notice you, but the victim will forever remember who did bad things to them, who stayed silent watching it, and who stood up for them. This often remains like a permanent mark on their memory. Also, bullying can happen to anybody anytime, but the person who dares to stand up for another person has the courage to stand up for themselves, and the one who dares to stand up for oneself can stand up for any other person as well whenever the need of the hour arises. Don’t make your child a passive observer of the world, a passive witness to the wrong, and develop in them the courage to take the sides of the right things in life.

Bullying is a serious offence and it should not be taken lightly by anybody who is aware of it — be it parents, teachers, school authorities, or the other kids in the class.